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Name: Emily Grossman Position: Bride Age: 27 Height: 5'10" Weight: 135 lbs |
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[Pre-Wedding]
The web design team couldn't find a recent picture of the bride. Since she looks so similar to Alicia Silverstone, they figured this picture was a good enough representation of her. |
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[Post-Wedding] After the Most Photographed Day of Her Life, there are plenty of photos of Emily. Here, she is shown during the "singing incident" at the wedding. |
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Scouting Report: Emily was originally projected to be a late-round pick, but when it was revealed that there would be no singing at the wedding, she vaulted into the position of Bride. "Her enthusiastic yet excruciating singing was really holding her back," said an insider, "but when we found out that she wouldn't be caterwauling through Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee her stock really rose." Emily is known for her speed down the aisle and her sharp elbows. "I'm sure Emily could beat almost any other bride to the altar," said a veteran wedding guest, "and if anyone got in her way she'd dispatch them with ease." In a surprise turn of events, Emily was called upon the sing during the ceremony, but, according to several well-placed guests she "didn't ruin things." "I was shocked when I got to the ceremony, and I saw Joyful, Joyful [We Adore Thee] on the program," said one guest. "I had come under the assumption that Emily would not be singing, and then here I am confronted with the fact that not only will she be singing, but there are microphones in front of her." The effect of Emily's voice was mitigated by the fact that everyone - guests, brides, grooms, honor attendants - joined in the song, and that the Father of the Bride made sure to point the microphones away from Emily. Emily also received kudos for not ruining her veil. "Emily's very nice," said one diplomatic guest, "but she's just not known for her grace and coordination. I was really worried when I found out she'd be wearing an irreplaceable family heirloom." However, Emily surprised and confounded even the most jaded wedding-watchers by not only keeping the veil intact, but by keeping her outfit spill-free the entire night. "I know for a fact that Emily has not bought a piece of white clothing since the ill-conceived purchase of a pair of white jeans back in '92," said a longtime associate of the bride. "So when I heard she'd be dressed head-to-toe in white, I was understandably concerned that she would be a magnet for salad dressing, red wine or pieces of sauce-drenched chicken. Somehow, her outfit came out unscathed at the end of the night, which can only be attributed to divine intervention or dumb luck." |
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