The Dress
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The Dress |
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When Emily was a young girl, she liked to tease her little sister, Joanna. She would say, "When I'm all grown up, and I get married, I'm going to make you my maid of honor." Here she would pause dramatically, because even as a child, young Emily had a flair for the dramatic. "And I'm going to make you wear a seafoam-green dress with big ruffles and bows all over the place!" "Mooooooommmmm," Joanna would cry, "Emily's telling stories about my maid of honor dress again. Tell her she can't make me wear anything with bows on it." "Emily," her mother would say sternly, "don't tease your sister like that. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: you are not to threaten your sister with seafoam-green and ruffles." Fast forward several years, and Emily's actually getting married. Unfortunately, she has the whole "I'm mature and I don't torment my sister anymore" thing going on, so she agrees to let Joanna wear a tasteful little black dress with a sassy red shawl. But not before having a little fun one last time... ... Emily went on eBay, and the gods (or god, if you're into the monotheism thing) were smiling upon her. She found a dress that was almost exactly like the one that had given Joanna nightmares during her formative years: teal satin, drop waist, puffy sleeves, "hi-lo" hem, and (of course) a butt bow. So, she put in a bid and won the dress for $3.25, plus shipping (and, yes, the decimal point is in the right place - it cost only three dollars and twenty-five cents!). When the dress arrived, it was all Emily had imagined and more. The 1980s had come alive in her bedroom, and she felt a sudden urge to grab a can of AquaNet and spray her bangs until they touched the heavens. So she photographed the dress, called Joanna to tell her that she'd found a perfect M of H dress at Ann Taylor, put the dress in an actual Ann Taylor bag, and sent it off. |
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A view of the back of Joanna's potential bridesmaid dress. Note the puffy sleeves and the attractive butt bow. Click here for more pictures of the dress. |
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A few days later, Joanna just happened to call Emily at work. As she talked, Joanna realized that she was going by the post office. "Oh, wait a sec," she said, "I'll just stop by the PO to see if my dress got here." Emily could barely stifle her laughter, but she managed to stay composed. "I'll wait," she said generously. "I want to see if you like it." Joanna got the package and started to open it. She saw the tasteful bag and caught a glimpse of the fabric. "Hmmm, it looks nice, it... OH MY GOD EM, WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!" Emily wasn't there, but she knew that Joanna - who had been expecting a cute little Ann Taylor dress - was holding this teal monstrosity away from her body, as though bad taste were catching. Fortunately, Joanna thought the whole joke was as funny as Emily did (and, Emily thought she was pretty darn funny!) and she took a picture of herself in all her teal, butt-bowed glory (picture coming soon). Caveat: Some people - particularly those who went to high school in the 1980s and early-1990s - will be thinking, "What the heck is Emily talking about? I had a prom dress just like that my junior year. So, what, she's implying I had bad taste?" Um, yeah. But, Emily also confesses that she had several prom-related fashion fiascos. There was the tea-length royal blue number with a drop waist, puffy sleeves, and an attractive bow jauntily placed at the hip. Of course, Emily accessorized with white pumps and fake pearls. Then, there was the iridescent purple get-up: two tiers of iridescent purple ruffles, with a black velveteen bodice. This, of course, was accessorized with black hose and black pumps. Emily is not judging you for your butt bows, but she is hoping that you learn from the past, but do not dwell on it, and look toward the future but do not count on it.
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| This page was last updated 12/27/2008 | ||
